This time last year, I swore I wouldn’t work in a restaurant. I had just completed a shadow at a fine dining establishment in London, and there was so much I didn’t like. I remember holding a silver tray of wineglasses, the glass rattling from my shaking the hands. I listened as the served sighed, took the tray, and did the job for me. Embarrassed and deeply humbled by one thing after another, I returned to my flat that night soaked to the bone—it’s London and of course, it was raining—and I cried. Did I just blow up my career, my savings account, my life, for nothing?
I vowed that night that whatever came next for me, whatever job I decide to look for after my program was all over, that it would not be at a restaurant.
Twelve months later, and I’m working as a sommelier with one of the best restaurant groups in New York City.
How’d I get here? For a while, I really dug my heels in. Everything about working in a restaurant felt too performative, and quite frankly, too hard. I wanted something that felt a little more easy going…a little more Brooklyn instead of Manhattan.
Instead, I turned back to what I knew best: journalism. I tried to dive into a new niche as a journalist. I reached out to my old editor contacts and declared myself a new woman, refusing the types of assignments I used to take and only accepting ones related to wine or beverages. I even reached out to new contacts and pitched my life away, waiting for the assignments to role in. One measly article came from it, and after that, nothing.
So I took a new approach. At this point I was working part-time at a winery teaching classes and working shifts in our (very low key) wine bar. I briefly worked at a wine shop thinking that maybe retail would be the answer, but three months and a number of security issues later, I went back to the drawing board. Where do I go from here?
Then a major opportunity fell into my lap. Despite my previous feelings toward this kind of job, I decided…why not? In my head, there was absolutely no way that they would actually consider me as their new sommelier. So I sent the email.
Then I got an email back.
Then an interview.
Then a trail.
At this point, with the very real possibility that I was going to get a job offer, I came to terms with the fact that maybe my animosity towards working as a sommelier wasn’t actually dislike of the job. Maybe it was fear. Fear that I would get it wrong. Fear that I would be humbled and look like a completely idiot with shaking hands.
Last year, as I unraveled my emotions to a close friend who came to visit me in London, she responded in a way that really struck a cord: “If we’re not challenging ourselves to try new things, then how will we ever grow?”
You see, I have this perception that if I’m in my thirties, I should have it all together. Your twenties are a time to mess up, be humbled, and grow. Your thirties—or at least my thirties—are about finding your confidence. To take all that you’ve learned and feel settled in the person you’ve grown to be. To have a career that is thriving and, hopefully, have more money hitting your bank account.
But she was right, my dear friend. Sometimes in order to grow, we have to be humbled. When we put ourselves in the mindset of learning, which is a very vulnerable place to be, we end up growing. That’s not easy to do when you feel like you reached a confident place in life. After years of not feeling fully like myself and taking an entire decade to figure out who I really was (which I feel is an essential part of your twenties), I didn’t love the idea of putting myself back in that vulnerable place. With a tray of easily breakable wineglasses in hand, no less.
A year after that restaurant shadow and that enlightening conversation, I’m still learning that it’s okay to be humbled. But…I think a big part of being a sommelier is also arriving with confidence, something I don’t think I would have been capable of doing in my twenties. Sure. I’m not perfect at service and I surely will make mistakes. But I know how to talk about wine and recommend a good bottle. In truth, I know I can do this job and do it well. I just need to learn to not let my fear get in the way.
So here is what I’ve been repeating to myself over and over, since the day I had that first interview.
Do it scared.
Do it anyway.
Wine of the week
It feels rather appropriate to share the first bottle I sold in my new job. Sommeliers always love to share their stories about that first bottle, and I’m proud of the one that ended up being my first sale. It’s a 2007 Lazzeretti Brunello di Montalcino DOCG, coming from Tuscany, Italy. Brunello di Montalcino is 100% Sangiovese.
Tasting notes
Appearance: Garnet color, deep intensity, high viscosity, some sediment
Nose: Evidence of oak (not new), notes of dried black cherries, baked plums, warm stones, cloves, all spice…the list goes on. Complex.
Palate: Medium plus acidity, medium-plus body, high alcohol, velvety tannins, no new oak, very long length.
Final conclusion
This is everything you want from a Brunello di Montalcino. Deep and complex. Spicy and earthy at first, but then smooths out with a delightful, velvety finish of dried and baked fruits.
You say, "Do it scared". Others might say, "Fake it until you make it." No one is an expert on day one.
You also said this fell into your lap. My mother said nothing ever does. Your lap isn't in the right place unless you have worked to make it ready.
Love you ❤️