Instead of having a kid at 30, I moved to London to study wine.
I decided to ignore the “shoulds.”
My husband and I had all the necessary conversations you expect to have before getting married—or at least expect two 23 year olds to have when they feel like they have everything figured out. We decided 30 was the age we would start trying for kids. It felt like a long while…a respectable amount of time for two people to figure out their sh*t before inviting someone else into it.
After tying the knot, we dealt with all the normal growing pains as a couple. One of the first (and rather large) growing pains was my inability to land a full time job. Breaking into journalism in New York City was not easy; it took me 15 months of searching to finally land something full time. During that time, we went out to a restaurant we absolutely could not afford. As I browsed the wines by the glass, estimating which of the cheapest options would be better, I asked the sommelier a lot of questions.
“Do you work in wine?” he asked me.
My little 23-year-old ego soared. “Oh, no. Just generally interested in it.”
“Would you like to?”
His offer surprised me at the time. It felt so ludicrous. Work in wine? Give up my dream as a journalist?
“You could apprentice under me,” he offered.
I said no. I was too headstrong at the time, and knew exactly what I wanted.
Seven years of blissful, childless marriage go by. We worked hard and saved money. We traveled. We pursued passions and hobbies. He graduated from NYU, taught himself to code, then landed a job at a tech company. I “made it” as a journalist in New York, then eventually started my own freelance business. He picked up photography, rock climbing, and mixology. I wrote a book. Then another. Then three more.
Eventually our thirties arrived, and while I’m absolutely aware that having children is a privilege, I didn’t feel ready yet. Neither did he.
We considered our options. Should we move out of the city? Should we buy a house? Should we at least try for a kid and see how we feel?
Then a whisper of a thought popped into my head. What if we kept waiting?
I never saw myself as the kind of person who would retire. I will always be writing and working in some capacity…it’s just who I am. Having childless, workless time after “retirement” didn’t make sense for my husband and I, yet that seemed to be the only reason we were considering all of the “shoulds.”
When we really took the time to decide when we would like to try, we were delighted by the idea of being a little older. We worked hard to be where we are at. We’re still pretty young. We finally have a savings account. And—the two biggest blessings of all—we have each other, and we have time.
I knew I didn’t want to waste that time, or look back at my life and feel regret. I do not for a second regret all the work I’ve done as a journalist. But a tiny part of me has regretted not seeing where that sommelier’s generous offer could have taken me.
“There’s nothing stopping you from doing it now,” my husband said. He planted the idea of going back to school in my head. He showed me the depth of our savings after years of grinding myself to the bone and how yes, we actually can afford this. He encouraged me to do what I want first—before dedicating my life to a little one…or two.
In a world where women are expected to put everyone else’s needs before their own, I took my husband’s advice. I decided to put myself first and dared myself to try something new.
Now, 32, I am finishing a six-month stint in London. I’m about to graduate with a Diploma as a Level 4 Sommelier from Le Cordon Bleu. I know a crazy amount about wine now, and I loved every single second of my program.
Sure, kids might be in the future—the two of us talk about it regularly, and the thought no longer scares us. But I am so glad I took a chance on myself first. I would never have discovered this new deep passion. And, gratefully, I will no longer live my days with regret.
This Substack is a way for me to combine both of my passions, and live out a new dream I never saw coming. I’m excited to cover this new niche as a journalist. I hope you’ll follow along.
Wine of the week
This week’s wine is Rouge 2022 from Project 108. It’s a Mourvèdre and Grenache blend from Corbieres, South France. We enjoyed this with pizza at Ria’s in Notting Hill.
My tasting notes
Appearance: Ruby color with a deep intensity and medium viscosity.
Nose: Notes of red and black jammy fruits, yeast, lactic, slate and concrete. No oak present.
Palate: Dry with medium acidity, medium body, and medium alcohol. No oak, with moderate tannins. Long length.
Final conclusion
Punchy red with lots of personality. Red fruits, slate, a little lactic. Definitely a big personality wine to have with big personality food. Perhaps Detroit pizza topped with sausage and chiles and drizzled with hot honey?